I just want something real.
My car has been packed for a week. I’m so excited and ready to move, but it seems as though life keeps holding me back. Every time the day I … Continue reading
This time to myself and also a push from Brian has caused me to write more and try to express myself again. I felt like I lost myself working so … Continue reading
I feel as though my life is in a whirlwind. This past week especially has been filled with ups and downs, but at this current moment I feel hopeful. This time last Thursday, I felt as though my heart had been ripped out and the ground pulled from under me. I was so hurt, so disgusted and so angry. But then I met someone later that night and they sparked a curiosity within me. He forced me to think about things I tried so hard to ignore, and that made me want to know more; to learn more. It’s so nice to find someone that’s so attentive to your needs, the way you act, react, etc. He truly takes the time to understand me completely. He pushes me to create again, to write again. I try to make excuses that I’m uninspired or running from reality, but he knows the truth. He knows why I won’t put pen to paper or a paintbrush to a canvas.
Anyway, I’m just really satisfied with the direction my life is heading. I’m excited for this move and the change that’s about to come. I know I’m moving one step closer to the path I’m destined to take.
I’m drained. I love so hard and every ounce of my love has been wasted. I am so sick and tired of giving my all to someone just to have nothing to show for it. Just to get nothing in return. To be tossed aside like I’m nothing and never mattered. Why do people lead others on? What satisfaction do you get out of using people? You truly have to be heartless. Deep down I know it’s not me, but I still somehow feel as though I’m not good enough. That I don’t deserve to feel genuine and pure feelings from another. I don’t want to try anymore. I can’t take it.
He’s breaking my heart meanwhile, I break the heart of others because I’m too damaged to give anyone else a chance.
Six days… I only lasted six days. I wanted to be sober because I drink for the wrong reasons. I drink to temporarily forget how sad and hurt I am, … Continue reading Where do I go from here?