Hello? Is anyone there?

I enjoy helping people and being the support system they need, but sometimes it’s draining. It is exhausting trying to uplift people meanwhile I’m falling apart. I neglect my own self trying to make others happy; no one is there for me. I am entering a dark place again, and I have not cried this much in a very long time. It comes in waves, because one minute I’ll be fine and then the next minute my whole world is crumbling around me. I don’t know what triggers it or how to stop it. I literally feel a gaping hole in my chest. This feeling of emptiness has been eating away at me. I don’t understand why I’m so unhappy when I’m doing so much good. I am finally getting my life on track, especially financially, and I just thought I would be a little happier. I’m not though. I’m miserable every day, because I have to work a job I hate in order to maintain. I want to follow my passions and do something I love. I don’t want work to feel like work. I feel as though I am trapped in this cage and I just want to be free. I need more out of life than this. I am 23 years old and this is the time for me to truly explore and learn about myself, but I am slowly losing myself. I am just existing; going through the motions each day. 
And I am so alone. I tried to reach out to my sister and I really broke down to her, and she ignored me. Then she texted me two weeks later saying I need to watch how I treat people because I gave up trying to communicate with her. You ignored me for two weeks yet I’m the one that’s in the wrong? I’m so confused. I understand we all have our own lives to live, but I truly needed you because you were always all I had. You were the mom to me, and now it’s as if I’m nothing to you. That truly hurts. I just wish someone could be there for me the way I am there for them. 
I just want to leave it all behind.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s