Does it?

Does the emptiness ever go away?I have tried everything to fill the void I fill within myself; substances, people…nothing helps. The pills worked temporarily and it made me feel so numb that I would forget how lonely and miserable I felt. I would forget about the gaping hole in my chest. Then I added alcohol to the mix and it brought on false happiness, but I didn’t care because fake happiness was better than no happiness. The only concern I have when drinking is when my next drink will appear in front of me. Sometimes I miss the alcohol, I think that’s my problem right now. I’ve been sober for a little bit and reality has just been hitting me so hard. The pain I’ve been avoiding is lingering over me like a dark cloud. I’m searching for the light, but I just can’t find it right now. 
Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. The light won’t be at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol or pills, in a blunt, or in another being. I know these things yet I still keep trying. I just want to be okay. I want to be fixed. I want something to take the suffering away. I don’t want to be broken anymore and I’m tired of crying. I’m so fucking tired of crying. I feel so weak letting myself get to this point. 


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