Day two

“Stop reinforcing the dysfunctional patterns that prolong our suffering.”
Alcohol is known to be a depressant. I know I suffer from severe depression , and I beat myself up saying I’ll never find happiness or be ok yet here I am adding a depressant into my life that prolongs my pain. The suicidal thoughts, the feelings of hopelessness .. I hurt myself while trying to numb my current pain. How ironic.
I’m proud of myself though, I went to lunch with my coworker and she had ordered a margarita. It looked so good, but I refrained because I reminded myself of all the things that have happened within the past few days as a consequence for abusing alcohol. I know it’s only day two, and the journey has just started but I’m optimistic. 
“We can spend a lifetime chasing after pleasure and trying to get away from pain, never staying present with the underlying feeling of discontent. But at some point it might hit us that there’s more to liberation than trying to avoid discomfort, more to lasting happiness than pursuing temporary pleasures, temporary relief.” This is a paragraph from a book I am currently reading. It’s funny because I’ve been trying to read this book for quite some time, but it couldn’t keep my focus. To be honest, I think it’s because I wasn’t ready to hear what was being said in those pages. The book caused me to realize things about myself and back then, I wasn’t trying to hear it. Now I’m ready and open to change. I want to be a better person so when I tried to reread it today, it coincided with everything I’m experiencing in this moment. Life is so weird. Everything happens for a reason. Every second of our lives are intertwined in some way. The decision you make at this current moment can alter the course of your life, for better or for worse and that’s so crazy to think about. 

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