Wake up Keyona

I’ve been trying to find peace at the bottom of liquor bottles. I was tired of dealing with my problems and I tried to run from them. I was tired of feeling pain and sadness, so I tried to numb myself with alcohol. I was tired of loss, but I kept pushing people away. I just wanted to be at ease, I wanted to be carefree but I became careless. I started down a self destructive path and not only was I hurting myself, I was hurting the people around me. I have so many people in my life who love and support me, yet I choose to face these battles on my own because I don’t want to be a burden. It’s ironic because I still end up dragging them into my mess, and I hate that. I don’t deserve the people i have in my life. There’s so many people trying to help me and here I am fucking it up.
This morning was a wake up call. The consequences could’ve been a lot worse than what they are. I can’t even say alcohol is ruining my life, I am ruining my own life and shifting the blame to something that is a choice. I choose to drink well beyond my limits, I choose to do reckless things while intoxicated, I choose to not think about the outcomes of my actions. 
My drinking goal: I will quit drinking. I will start tomorrow, October 24th, 2016. I need to take care of myself, I’m going to take care of myself. I need to make better decisions. I see myself turning into the person I hated the most growing up. 


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