Leave me lonely

How ironic is it that i fear settling yet I always settle because I fear losing people. I put their needs before mine, but who is worrying about me? Who is making sure I’m fulfilled? I want so much more out of this life, but I find a sliver of happiness and I hold onto it until it hurts me. 
How ironic that the one thing that brings you happiness also causes you the most pain.. The feelings I have now differ from anything I’ve ever known or felt, but they make me stupid. I put up with this state of confusion because I would rather have part of you than none of you, but I’m starting to believe I may be wasting my time.. That what you tell me is never going to actually happen; you’re selling me a dream that I can’t cash out on.. I want so much more with you. I think about my future and I envision it with you. It pains me to even think of a future where you no longer exist by my side, but I don’t know how much longer I can continue in this state. At times, I feel as though a title isn’t necessary to define us because I know my feelings and I thought I knew yours. But other times, I think of how nice it would be to call you mine. To know I’m the only one. To know we are building towards something. 

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