Notes to my therapist:
When I fail to write my thoughts daily, I draw a blank when it is time to recollect on the past month. I just know a lot of tears were involved, some laughs, some arguments, and a slight heartbreak. I am proud of myself though, because I keep pushing forward. I have not consumed my medications in over a month, and being free of those toxins has done my soul good.
I guess I will start with the positives before I delve into the negatives. I have discovered a newfound confidence within myself; embracing who I am rather than limit myself due to the fear of judgment. My goal is to know thyself. As you can see, I have strayed from my natural black locks to silver then blue hair. I figured that I’m young, so why the heck not! I recently got my nipples pierced and ever since, I have felt so liberated. A cool fact for those who are spiritual with me, the piercings are aligned along your seventh chakra. The metals can have a reaction to either close off grief or pain, or open up your heart to things. I also love the empowering feeling that comes along with them. You are free to show them to whoever you please. It’s such a discreet piercing that is truly meant to please the individual personally. I love to stare at my tatas now. No shame. I fully embrace the ‘Free the Nipple’ movement. Why should women continue to hide body parts that mean are free to expose? If a guy can show his chest without being sexualized, then why can’t I? Why do women continuously have to be viewed as sexual objects? Next, women will be banned from using straws in public because it could arouse a man. I truly believe society fears the empowerment of women; therefore, they try to restrict us with laws. Or they will claim a liberated woman would make it harder for men to control themselves, because you know rape is never the fault of the assailant but instead is the fault of the victim. A common stigma is that rape is sometimes inevitable, because men cannot help themselves. I hate that women constantly have to suffer the consequences of a man’s actions. We teach women how to dress in order to lessen the probability of being raped instead of teaching our men not to rape. Why can’t we education people on the fact that no means no? The events of today provoked this rant, because some men do not value a woman’s answer if it is not that one they want to hear.
Earlier on snapchat, I received messages from this guy begging for pictures. When I say begging, I mean literally. He messaged me on various social media sites requesting pictures of my breasts and lady part. I said, “find another girl.” Not to harass another girl, but I mean you could definitely Google a girl or find someone who is glad to show off her body in that way. There’s nothing wrong with embracing your body and showing it to the world, but not everyone is comfortable enough to do that. Not every girl wants to do that. But anyways, what do I receive in return? A fucking dick picture. Can guys stop sending dick pictures without permission?! Personally, I don’t want to see a dick pic and when someone sends me one, I imagine kicking them in the groin. Numerous pictures followed the picture saying, “can I see your kitty?” “I put myself out there for you, you aren’t going to return the favor?” “Are you going to send me a picture?” “What do I have to do to see that part of you?” “……” “So I guess you not gonna show me lol 😑 please.” These are direct quotes from this idiot who obviously does not know how to use grammar either. My reply, “I didn’t ask for a picture. I already said no, not one but several times beforehand. No literally means no cyber rapist.” Seriously, no does not mean “keep asking until she changes her mind.” Silence is also a form of no. No is also NO! Begging and pleading will not convince me to change my mind. Insulting me after your failed attempts won’t guilt me into sending photos either. How can an individual get mad because I don’t want to share my body with them? My body is just that, MY body. Why is it so hard for some to respect my decision? I get so frustrated because I feel like all actions are a precursor to other actions. First it starts with pictures, then it moves on to sex. If a woman says no in the bedroom, are you still going to push her? I always ask guys, “If you had a daughter, how would you feel if a guy treated her the way you are treating me?”