I know, I have been MIA for the past week or so. School and life has been overwhelming, so I have not had any time to sit down and gather my thoughts. My mind is moving 1000mph and I have a headache from holding in so many unspoken thoughts.
Topic for this post is the bad boy. He is not so much a bad boy, as much as he is the wrong one for me according to everyone else. My therapist says he’s not what I need if I want to continue progressing, but I can’t let him go. No one sees us together or the way we connect. No one is with us to determine whether or not he’s good for me. He caught me off guard last night though. He told me “I think I love you. I really believe I’m falling in love with you.” It is so soon; this can’t be love yet. Cali boy introduced me to his friends as “the love of my life.” It was cute, but more terrifying than anything. The pressure, the strong emotions suddenly, the fear of heartbreak. I like him a lot and although a title would be nice, I want to take things slow. Turtles pace slow, because I tend to jump into things and they fail miserably. I want to enjoy this time with him, and continue to learn who he is as a person before we embark on a new journey that neither of us are prepared for. I can tell his feelings are genuine by the way he stares at me with a spark in his eyes. The way he pulls me in closer to him and stares into my eyes to tell me about all the little things he appreciates. If he’s hungry, I bring him food. He had his exams for his CDL license, so I took practice exams and made him study guides that helped him pass. I believe in him and that’s why I do the things I do to help him succeed. I get excited and scared whenever he mentions a future. I don’t want to get my hopes up, just to be disappointed. Anyways, we went on our first official date last night and it was amazing. I mean we have gone out before and he met my family, I met his but I don’t consider us going out the other times a date. We were just curing our boredom and trying to find anything to do in this boring city. Last night, we talked over dinner and got to know each other on a deeper level. Each day I am with him, he opens up more and I appreciate that. I also appreciate that our connection doesn’t have to be physical. Been down for him since the day I met him