Time lapse

Things never change in this family. Parents will always be bitter and spiteful; it’s truly sad. My therapist urges me to get away from this environment, and I wish I could. the negative energy constantly surrounding me has turned me into the old me I tried to bury long ago. I fear that one day I will become as cold and hateful as my parents, going through the motions of life and hating every second of it. My dad wanted me to walk from my room on the opposite side of the house to his, so I could cut his life off. I was on a serious time crunch trying to resolve an issue with my graduation application, so I didn’t. He couldn’t walk five feet to turn off his own light, but he could walk to my room to yell at me as if I wasn’t human, as if I wasn’t his daughter, as if I wasn’t the girl who should idolize him. The last real genuine conversation I had with my dad , where I actually loved him as a father and didn’t fear him as a man was when I was nine years old and we took a father-daughter trip to Wisconsin to visit family. In that car, I still had a father. Since then, I continuously lost pieces of him as he got deployed and became absent in my life. Instead of trying to build a relationship again, he tried to mold me into who he believes I should be. He will never accept me , in the same way that I will never look to him as more than a poor, damaged soul taking everyone around him down along the way. He wasn’t happy, so he stole that from me. I will find it again though. Slowly packing up my belongings, so I can escape; I will be free. I refuse to be stuck in this endless cycle of destructive behavior. 

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