rock bottom

10:51 PM

Why am I so obsessed with the idea of being skinny? I’ll sometimes starve myself while taking diet and x-lax pills, then I’ll workout intensely until I want to pass out. Trying to overcome the wooziness by filling my body up with water. All the money I spend at whole foods for healthy foods was just too much. The gym membership fee is another financial burden that I can’t handle when I’m so close to rock bottom. I stretch my pay checks so thin, because I can only pay so much. I am just so ready to graduate from college and hopefully get a big girl job. I just want to be financially stable. I can barely hang out with friends now and it sucks. I always have to decline doing fun things, because I am forever broke. It’s only worse when you have collections to pay off. I did not sign up for this life. I don’t want to be an adult anymore. As if I wasn’t stressing enough, my sister received a $158 ticket meant for me. Apparently I ran a red light, but I never run lights. I barely drive through yellows because I don’t trust it, so I’m just like how the fuck did I do something so stupid?! Ugh! She’s going to fucking kill me. I want to kill myself. The hole I keep digging myself into might as well be my grave…

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