3/12/15

7:19Am

 I need ratchet music in the morning to hype me up. People probably hear me like “that bitch.” Sorry not sorry. Today is going to go by so fast and I’m so happy. I am exhausted. I’m even more excited though, because I’m going to see Hershey. Hershey is the perfect dog and I love her so much. I’m happy I was able to find her a good home, but I still wish it was my home. If only my apartment was bigger. If only I had a yard. If only I had more money. I just love to love. She’s my baby. No matter the distance, I will always love her. She was the first pet I ever had. It may have been a brief time, but she still filled my heart with so much joy. I think I love too easily. I love everyone. I care so much about the well being of everyone that enters my life. I want to make everyone I come in contact with happy. But I still want real love, genuine love. True love. I could love someone better than they have ever been loved before. I would illuminate the love from myself. I just want someone to talk to at the end of the day. Someone to genuinely be interested in what I have to say. I want to be able to go to art museums and get their perspective of a Picasso painting. When I eat out for dinner, I want to be staring at the face of someone who makes me feel special. I want to spoil someone with my affection. I would hug them every time as if it could be the last. I would kiss them as if it was the first time. The chemistry between us would be so strong, it’ll cause a spark. I will wake up next to them with new eyes. It would be as though we just met, because I will never stop discovering new things about my other half. 
Back to the money…. Continue later as always ..


I love the idea of love, but sometimes I question it. What if love isn’t even real and I’m chasing after something that can never be caught ? Me and Cam were at Chick-fil-a discussing our dream weddings. I want to be married in an open field arched by willow trees. I want a lace trumpet dress and silver jewels. I want my groom in a white tux. I want hints of Tiffany blue. I want to have it in May. I want a bouquet of broaches. Ah, I love thinking about it. Imagining this ultimate event. Then I come back to reality and realize that I’m getting my hopes up…
When we were discussing weddings I couldn’t help but think that I was living in a fairytale. I had all these plans that would probably never come into action. I feel like I can’t accept that good things can happen. I also can’t accept the fact that life is not like in the movies. What ever happened to having picnics in the park? Private dinners on the beach? Coming home to a trail of flower petals guiding you throughout the house? Having flowers brought to you just because? What about just lying out in the grass and staring up at the stars? I just want to experience my life with one person. I want to create memories that sound surreal. I want people to look at us and see the amount of love we have for each other in our eyes. I want my biggest smiles and loudest laughs to come from the man I want to spend forever with. I want to grow with someone. I want to build a life together and do big things. I want to be a part of a power couple. We will be unstoppable. We will be dedicated to being the best versions of ourselves. We will bring out the best in each other and motivate one another. This has to be real. This has to be attainable. It has to. I must feel this. I must stop trying to find it in everyone though. If I could just feel this, if even for a moment, I would be satisfied. Because at least I would have known true love. It’s better to know rather than wonder. 
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