My mind is a mess

3/6/15

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake,” author Elizabeth Gilbert said. “But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

Sometimes a soul mate isn’t meant to last a lifetime, sometimes they are only meant to be in your life until they no longer have to guide you in the right direction. It’s all about a journey of self growth. But in order to grow internally, you need help from an outside source. You need someone to light that spark within you. This would be a Karmic soulmate. They only come in your life to bring attention to yourself and once that job is done, they leave. I think it’s so amazing. There’s so many different types of soul mates and so many different types of connections that can be made. The universe is such an amazing place; sending signs from all around when you least expect it. Most people don’t even realize, because they’re so focused on the wrong things but when you really put your mind at ease… Everything becomes clear. 

I talked to B today about how happy I was beginning to feel, because finally I am at a place where I am ok with things not being perfect. I’ve realized there is no reason to stress or be upset or in pain, because all those feelings are temporary and they will go away. But being at peace is something that will last, so impermanent emotions should never alter that. Then I discussed soul mates with her and how I feel as though my nephew and M may be two of my soul mates. My nephew gave me a reason to live when all I wanted to do was die. He taught me how to love and how to be nurturing because I never got that at home. I was raised to be a solid rock, so closed off to everything. So resistant to intimacy and affection. I think M may be a soul mate, because I’ve been trying to find my way to the path of enlightenment and I was juggling back in forth between being happy and being depressed. The book he let me borrow is what really opened my mind to these realizations. I see him as my teacher, mentor, a leader guiding me to a place of pure potentiality. All these feelings and realizations make my heart illuminate with joy. 

I like to share what I’ve learned with Tucker as well. I can see her attitude shifting and her mind getting in the way of her peace of mind. She puts too much pressure on herself about the future. I told her to live in the moment, because it’s always best to stay open minded about the future because the world is full of infinite possibilities. To set a deadline to a goal or to have a certain expectation is only setting yourself up for disappointment. A customer asked me, “what do you want to do after school?” I told him,” honestly, I know what my dream job has always been but when I graduate I’m going to let the universe guide me in the right direction. I’m just trying to live in the moment and focus on actually graduating, everything that happens after will fall into place when necessary. I just want to enjoy my youth.” I think my answer shocked him. 

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