can’t be selfish anymore 

February 20 something?

And suddenly I feel so selfish for all those days where I thought I was worthless and my life was no longer worth living . I’m selfish for not thinking about others and how they would be affected when life got too hard for me to handle. I’m selfish for letting my depression get the best of me. Today as I listening to my nephew hollering because he didn’t want to go to the airport because he wanted to be with me, and it hit me… What if I would have cut deeper or what if all the pills actually would’ve led to a different outcome.. How would anyone explain that to my nephew? We have such an indescribable bond, and I swear he is the light of my life… I can’t imagine him waking up to hear that he will never see me again. I couldn’t bear the thought of his tears. His hollering just keeps replaying in my head. So my nephew is the reason I keep pushing forward. I’m going to keep fighting and keep seeing my psychiatrist until I find the answers I need and receive the guidance necessary.

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